Laurel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
laurel_crown) wrote2013-07-11 10:25 am
laurel_crown) wrote2013-07-11 10:25 am
Entry tags:
oh look I managed to finish something
Huzzah for free time! I've finally (probably?) finished my summer story, which has now doubled in size from what I was expecting, as they do. Not fanfic, again - though I am working on a VERY old Doctor Who one now - just straight up fantasy. Read on for love, loss, and fairies! (Not much mystery or intrigue, I'm afraid :P)
Title: maybe tomorrow is a better day
Rating: PG (some violence, references to drug use)
Wordcount: 8177
Summary: Not even wings can let you escape from life.
Notes: Title from the Poets of the Fall song. Thanks to my beta Pebble for reminding me not to be lazy!
maybe tomorrow is a better day
“Israa, wait!”
“I can’t bear another second in there!” Israa shot over her shoulder. She strode out into the cool tree shade, fiery wings held stiffly open.
Aysha ran after her, tried to grab Israa’s arm and was shaken off. “Don’t go,” Aysha said, quietly.
Israa opened her mouth to retort, then sighed instead. “What can I do, Aysha?” She began to pace an angry circle through the leaves, not expecting an answer.
Aysha leaned against a tree, hugging herself. “You could stop that, for one thing. Calm down.”
“I can’t!” Israa’s eyes blazed. “I have such terrible thoughts in my head, and they won’t go away. The only way I can stop them is to move until I leave them behind, and I don’t have to think anymore. It hardly helps being trapped in there, surrounded by strangers with their false sympathy and their pity.” She spat the word at the ground. “How can you stand it?”
Aysha raised her eyebrows. “I have a little more faith in others,” she said, voice soft as ever. It grated against Israa’s rage. “And I control my feelings.”
“Oh, is that what you call it?” Israa snapped, rounding on her younger sister. “Then why won’t you talk about her?” Aysha looked away, and Israa wrestled to say something right for once. “I have all these things thundering inside me, but maybe if I told someone about them they wouldn’t be so loud. But you won’t listen! You just sit there, no words, no expression … it’s hard to think you feel anything at all!”
Aysha clenched her fists, pale wings flicking open. “Don’t think I’m any less unhappy than you because I’m more controlled! I just don’t have to throw my feelings in everyone’s faces to make myself feel wanted! You think your way’s better?”
“Yes!” Israa heard her voice tremble, and spoke louder to cover it. “At least I know I’m feeling something!”
“You’re too scared to face your feelings, so you’re pushing them at me!”
“I …” Israa was thrown by the accusation; she knew it was true. “I’m not running away!”
Aysha shook her head, anger already leaving her face. “You pretend to be so daring, but you’re just a coward.”
Israa felt something snap. “Don’t talk down to me like you’re so perfect!” she yelled. “You don’t control your feelings, you’re suppressing them! Won’t talk about it, won’t think about it. And that’s just as bad as running. Keep it up for much longer, and people will forget you’ve got more emotions than some doll!” She turned on her heel and walked away, trying not to say anything worse. Trying not to let the churning mess in her head move to her stomach.
“Oh, go on then, do another stupid stunt!” Aysha shouted after her. “No one cares about a half-crazed delinquent!”
The words thudded into Israa’s heart, stilling the half-formed reply on her lips. Instead she kept going, pretending not to feel the tears in her eyes, unaware of Aysha doing the same behind her.
* * *
Kainon tightened his grip on the bag, searching the trees around him. The market was spilling noise from behind, but he’d definitely heard something …
A blur sped towards him, he stepped back and jumped into the air but the other fairy caught his wrist. Kainon’s brown wings buzzed, but he was held firm.
“Hear me out, half-blood.” The snarl on the fairy’s face made the simple words threatening. Kainon sighed and came down; he’d rather avoid a confrontation, especially with this guy. What was his name? Darryd-something. His scowling face was certainly familiar.
Kainon crossed his arms, trying to control his irritation. “What do you want?” What had he done this time?
Darryd stepped towards him; Kainon had to back away or be trodden on. “I’m warning you off from sniffing around our gir-”
“Sniffing around?” Never mind tact, this was too much. “I was bartering, at a public stall. Is that a crime now?”
Darryd grabbed his shirt and slammed him against a tree, pinning his folded wings behind him. Kainon resisted the urge to struggle; his damn mouth got him into enough trouble by itself. Darryd put his face in close. “The harvest moon festival is coming up, and-”
“Is it?” Kainon stared in mock surprise, wishing his mouth would listen to his brain for once and shut up. “I’d completely forgotten. Thanks for the remin-”
Darryd cut him off by pushing him further up the trunk, fists pressing against his throat. Kainon’s hands scrabbled at the wood, but the bigger fairy was too strong. He was too scrawny, and didn’t dare kick out …
“Hey, tough guy!”
Both men looked around to stare at the girl who had spoken, Kainon squinting against the stars across his vision. Her blue wings were open and flicking impatiently.
“I think we can defend our own virtues, thank you,” she said, sweetly.
Kainon, now gripping Darryd’s wrists to take some of the weight off his neck, blinked. Why did she sound familiar?
“He’s a lecherous, half-blood bastard!” Darryd protested, a little uncertainly. It seemed he wasn’t used to fairy girls interrupting him.
“Please.” The girl walked forward to eye Kainon critically. “He hardly looks like either of those. Now let him go.”
Darryd spat. “You’re just as bad as that crazy-”
“Let him down, or I’ll fetch that crazy sister of mine and we’ll make you.”
They glared at each other for a moment, and then Darryd obliged. Kainon fell to his hands and knees, coughing, wings open and limp. For a moment all he could think of was how wonderful the air felt spilling into his chest; then Darryd brought him back to earth by treading on his hand. Kainon held it to his chest as he folded his wings and sat up, stupid mouth ready to go again, but Darryd had gone. There was only the girl, gazing at him steadily.
“Thank you,” he panted. He examined his rescuer properly as he considered what to say; her wings were patterned, like his, but so pale it was barely visible. She looked fragile. He decided not to tell the girl she’d only delayed the inevitable, that the boys always came after him around festivals. He laid his hand over his heart, gingerly. “Kainonforden.”
The girl opened her mouth to introduce herself, then frowned. “Forden? Isn’t that-”
“My mother’s name, yes.” He tilted his head, daring her to say he couldn’t do that.
She shifted uncomfortably, finally settling with, “Surely that just encourages all this?”
Kainon got to his feet, and looked down at her in some surprise. She was quite small, if he was taller. “What do you mean?”
The girl gestured vaguely. “If you took your father’s name …”
Kainon’s anger flared, as it always did. “My father?” He spat the word like it was nightshade juice. “That monster I had to live alone with until he threw me out, when I was” – he looked at her carefully – “younger than you? I wouldn’t take his name in a thousand years. Not even if I had no mother to replace it with.”
The girl seemed startled by his reaction. “So he isn’t your father?” She blushed and glanced away at the look on his face. “I’m sorry, I …”
“No, it’s alright.” Kainon sighed. “Everyone’s curious. It’s just … most fairies don’t ask. They just assume.”
“Ah.” She nodded. “I know all about that. Everyone assumes they know how I feel about my sister. But how can they, when I don’t know myself?”
“Sorry, what was your name?” asked Kainon, though he had a suspicion.
“Ayshanairden.”
“Oh, that crazy sister,” said Kainon, before he could stop himself.
“Yes. Oh.” Aysha bit her lip, blinking quickly.
Kainon fished around for something to say to comfort her, but could only think of a confession in return. “I don’t know who my father is. My mother never said; there were only the rumours. Can’t say I blame her for being unfaithful.”
Aysha gazed at him, suspicion and shock chasing across her face, before finishing on a grim smile. “We don’t know our father either.” She shook her head. “Nairyin and Forlei, the two great scandals of their time.”
“Leaving their children behind to suffer in ignorance,” said Kainon, without thinking. He looked up, an apology on his tongue, but Aysha ran off. Damn. There was no way he could catch her now.
* * *
Kainon managed to get home safely, after a while. He’d climbed the tree just before Darryd reappeared, saw he was gone and flew up to check the sky. Once Darryd landed to search the ground for him, Kainon pushed off and flew in a straight line as fast as he could. Every adult fairy could outrun him, but few could fly like him.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, for once. It was evening when a knock came at his door, just as a notorious group of young fairies was entering a human disco. Kainon was relaxed enough to unlock the door before he thought to check who it was first.
“That you, Jestyn?” he called hopefully, ignoring the voice in his head whispering that his elderly neighbour didn’t knock that hard.
By way of answer, the fairy outside pushed the door open and punched him in the eye. Kainon staggered back, tripped and would have fallen if his wings hadn’t instinctively fanned out for balance. He hovered for a moment, then let himself drop to the floor, trying to present a smaller target.
“Now, where were we?” said Darryd, stepping forward to let in two more fairies.
Kainon gulped as they came towards him; he couldn’t escape indoors. “Really, you don’t have to do this, I got the message-” He cut himself off, trying to avoid a blow to the ribs, without success.
“Not the one about keeping your mouth shut, it seems.” Darryd raised his voice above Kainon’s grunts as the other fairies beat the breath from his body. “And you should know better not to let girls interfere in men’s business.”
Kainon would have pointed out that he had hardly been in a position to stop Aysha from doing so, if he wasn’t busy clutching his stomach and gasping. Darryd must have made some gesture, for his friends reached down again to roll Kainon over and pin his arms to the floor.
“I have a new message for you, anyway,” Darryd continued, sitting on Kainon’s legs and stroking the curled patterns on a wing. The normally intimate contact made Kainon jerk, then freeze when Darryd touched something sharp to the edge. “If I see you again between now and the festival, I’ll … decorate your pretty wings some.”
“No!” Kainon tried to look at him over his shoulder, still out of breath.
Darryd just laughed and stood up, the other fairies releasing their grip as well. Kainon sat up to watch them leave, just in case; they were out the door before the shaking started. Kainon hunched over, acutely aware of his wings brushing the floor, biting his wrist to muffle his horrified sobs.
* * *
It was after midnight by the time Kainon decided he wasn’t going to get any more sleep, not since he’d woken up covered in sweat some hours ago. He needed cool night air passing over his wings (oh sweet grace, his wings) to calm himself down.
His hands trembled as he barred the windows and locked the door behind him, his swollen left eye not helping matters. Once he was speeding over the trees, however, he felt better. After a moment’s thought, he headed for the lights of the human city; they might be an alien species, but tonight they were less frightening than his own kind. Less likely to rip his wings to shreds because of a mistake his mother had made twenty-five years ago.
The city fascinated Kainon as he flitted between buildings. He’d flown over the outskirts a few times by day, but at night it became another creature entirely. Everything was bright and moving and alive, in a completely different way to the dark hum of the forest.
Then he saw something moving on a rooftop. He squinted as he swooped closer, dazzled by the lights, and paused in shock when he saw it was a fairy. Not just any fairy, he realised; it was Aysha’s older sister, minus her gang of half-mad adrenalin junkies. What was her name?
“Israa?” Kainon called softly, landing awkwardly on the roof; his depth perception wasn’t at its best.
The girl spun around, and then staggered. He frowned; what was the matter with her? Her eyes looked … ah. Last year she’d run herself to exhaustion, trying to forget it was the first anniversary of her mother’s death; it seemed this year she’d turned to human substances.
“Go ‘way!” Israa stumbled again. Kainon noticed she was shaking.
He took a careful step towards her. “It’s okay, Israa, it’s just me. Remember?” She jittered away from him, so he stopped and spread his hands. “You hit your head, last year, and I took you home to look after you …” And then you ran off before I could explain, but I won’t remind you of that. “Come on, Israa, take my hand. I won’t hurt you.”
“No!” She ran to the edge of the roof, nearly tumbling over as she hit the wall. Kainon cursed and took off at the same time she did.
“Wait!” he cried, trying to reach her. He watched in horror as her wings buzzed once, twice … and stopped. He was a metre away when she dropped like a hailstone. Kainon folded his wings and followed, wincing as his bruised torso hit hers. He beat his wings, managing to slow their descent enough to land softly.
Israa’s breathing sounded erratic. Kainon laid her down, folding her red and yellow wings along her back. He hardly spared a thought for the unusual bi-colouring; she’d taken something human and it was disagreeing with her. This was a human problem, so he needed humans to fix it.
He stood up, and looked around the empty street. How could he find some? Then he remembered hearing about certain devices – machines, that was it – humans used to contact each other. Kainon closed his eyes, calling up the human alphabet he’d learned years ago. Sounded like … foan …
He blinked at the illuminated sign down the street. P-h-o-n-e? Close enough. Kainon ran up to the machine on the wall, and looked at the notice next to it. He couldn’t remember many human words, but emergency looked right. He pressed the numbers into the phone, hoping his spoken human was still better than his written.
“Police, fire, or ambulance?”
Kainon hesitated. He knew what the other words meant … he hoped. “Ambulance.”
A few minutes later, Kainon returned to where Israa lay and collapsed next to her. She’d better be grateful this time; his head was spinning with unfamiliar words. Street name? How was he supposed to know what that was?
* * *
Kainon was finally starting to feel tired when a nurse came in and said the police had arrived. He glanced out the window before leaving Israa’s room; it was still a few hours till sunrise. He folded his wings and slumped against the wall with his head down, hoping he could hide behind his hair and avoid the humans’ attention. But when he heard the two sets of footsteps approaching, only one was wearing shoes.
Bare feet stepped into Kainon’s line of sight. “And who are you?”
“I’m the one that found her.” Kainon glanced upwards quickly, getting a glimpse of a fairy with plain green wings and a human jacket. He’d heard of a fairy working in the city, but the reality still took him by surprise.
“Yet you brought her to a human hospital? Why didn’t you bring her to me?”
Like you’re that important, mister. Kainon just managed to swallow the words. “Well … who are you?” he blurted instead.
The fairy sighed. “Senchadtaelden. Now answer me.”
“I didn’t know you were looking for her, did I?” Kainon said, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. He cleared his throat, and tried again, quieter. “She nearly died. I tried to look after her when she did something stupid a year ago, but it didn’t work out. The humans were closer.” Not to mention friendlier.
“What is your name?” The frown was practically audible.
In answer, Kainon lifted his head and stood upright, watching Senchad take in his black eye.
“You’re that …”
“That bastard, yes.” He brushed his chest, irreverent. “Kainonforden.”
Senchad raised an eyebrow, at his name or sub-standard greeting, Kainon couldn’t tell. “Who gave you that?” He nodded at Kainon’s swollen eye.
Kainon did his best not to scowl; it hurt. “Some of the respectable young men always get twitchy before festivals. Feel the need to prevent me from contaminating potential partners.”
“So you came to the city to find a pre-contaminated one?” Senchad snapped, abruptly cold.
Kainon glared, wings flicking open. “She’s not-”
“No, she isn’t.” The two fairies stared at each other, wild brown eye to stern green ones, until Senchad glanced away. “As long as you weren’t the one getting her into this state, that’s fine by me.”
Kainon opened and shut his mouth a few times, indignant and, for once, lost for words. “I … not … I didn’t get her like this, I’m the one who-”
“Saved her, apparently.” The human policeman, having finished talking to the doctors, had come over. It took Kainon a moment to realise he’d spoken in fairy; before he could comment on it, the human spoke again in his own tongue. “Senchad, who is this?”
“Captain Davies, this is Kainonforden.”
“Forden,” the captain held out his hand. Kainon blinked at it, too busy translating human to remember their customs.
Senchad shuffled his wings, embarrassed. “Captain, we don’t-”
“Yes, I forgot.” Davies fixed Kainon with an intent stare; the fairy found his spine straightening under the weight. “What happened?”
“I recognised her on top of a roof, and I knew she woul- … wouldn’t be feeling her best tonight.” Kainon glanced at Senchad, uncertain of how much to say. “She tried to fly off, but she fainted. I managed to catch her,” he grimaced, absently pressing an arm to his belly, “just.”
The captain looked at Senchad, who nodded. “Very well.” He took a little box from his pocket and tapped his fingers to it. “I’ve asked them to do a blood test; if it’s Xenotryphan, which the others seem to have taken, then-”
“You’ll put her on parole, as before.” Senchad’s gaze was steady.
Davies huffed. “With all due respect, Senchad, you’re a detective, not an officer.”
“I am the fairy representative, and I tell you her situation is unchanged. She stayed clean last time, so this is probably only the second time she’s had it.”
“And how can you know that?”
“If ever there’s a time Israa would do something dangerous and reckless,” Kainon said quietly, “it would be tonight. Night before the anniversary.”
The other men stared at him like they’d forgotten he was there. Kainon tried, and failed, to appreciate being unremarkable.
“Exactly,” said Senchad eventually. “Locking her up would kill her. Just do what you did last time!”
“Oh, and that worked so well, did it?” The captain rubbed his forehead. “She needs someone to stay with her, keep her calm when she wakes.”
“I’ve got a job to do.” Senchad sighed. “Much as I’d like to watch over my cousin’s child.”
Kainon raised his eyebrows, and then found his voice. “I’ll do it.”
“No, Kainon,” said Senchad softly, in fairy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Who else is going to do it?” Kainon replied in kind, gesturing around. “You need a fairy. I looked after her once before, nobody complained then!”
“That’s what concerns me.”
“You-” Kainon pressed his fist to his lips for a moment as if he could hold in his anger. “None of the rumours are true! I can show you my damn memories if you like! Come on, give me a chance. I’d have thought you of all fairies would have an open mind!” He waved at the captain. “You know not all humans are bad news, just like not all fairies are good news!” He jabbed a finger towards his black eye.
“Alright, Kainon.” Senchad laid a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. You can stay with her. Call us when she wakes up – but if I get one whiff of trouble …”
“Go on, make a threat,” Kainon spat. “I’m overdue.” Then he sighed and put a hand to his head. “I mean …” He lifted his chin, meeting Senchad’s eyes. “Thank you. I won’t let you down.”
* * *
Kainon jerked awake, nearly falling off the stool the humans had found for him. The first thing he noticed, after he remembered where he was, was how hungry he felt. He regretted turning down the offer of food when the day shift came in.
He stretched his wings as he walked over to the window, and saw the sun was high in the sky. No wonder he was hungry; maybe he could go and get some food? But he’d promised to stay with Israa …
A murmur from the bed made him turn, in time to see Israa open her eyes. Kainon frowned when he saw they were still odd-looking; in daylight he could finally see why. Her red irises were almost gone, swallowed up in the pupils. It couldn’t be healthy.
“Hey,” he said softly, to draw her attention. “Remember me this time?”
Israa narrowed her eyes at him, after giving the room a cursory glance. “No,” she replied, defiantly. Kainon took that as a maybe. “How long have I been out? What day is it?”
“The bad day, I’m afraid.” Kainon watched her carefully, wanting to give her space but wary of her reaction. “I only found you last night.”
“No,” Israa muttered. “Not long enough!” She started tugging at the cords on her chest.
Kainon ran to her bed as her hands moved faster than a human eye could follow. If he could run like a fairy, damn it, he could stop this! He reached her just as she pulled the needle from her arm, and grabbed her wrists before she could jab it anywhere else.
“What are you doing?” he shouted, over the machines’ frantic beeping.
“Making sure they sedate me!” Israa lay back, unresisting, and a manic smile spread across her face. There was no mirth in her eyes. “I didn’t drug myself into oblivion just to wake up the next bloody day!”
Kainon gaped at her for a moment, and then the humans came rushing in. Israa suddenly struggled against his grip, and he did his best to hold on. If she was at her full strength, he realised, she would have managed to break free.
“Out of the way!” Someone elbowed him aside to get at Israa, accidently hitting a tender spot. Kainon cried out and staggered back against the wall. He craned his head, trying to see what they were doing.
“If you could come outside with me, mister?” said another doctor, touching his arm.
Kainon jerked away. “But they can’t-”
“She can hardly hold off four at once, surely?”
Kainon turned around to face the human, and winced when he saw from her expression he’d moved too fast. “Sorry.” The first word he remembered learning.
“They’ll look after her, mister,” she assured him as she walked him out into the corridor. Kainon’s stomach grumbled, and her mouth moved in a quick grin. “I can show you to the cafeteria, if you like?”
He took a moment to translate the unfamiliar word. “Oh, thank you.” Kainon smiled. “But I should wait until they come out; they were supposed to call Sen- … the police when she woke up.”
“Yes, of course.” The human seemed to be searching for something to say. “It’s touching, you staying with her like this, but … haven’t you got something to do, back home? A job?”
“Fairies don’t have jobs.” Kainon thought of how best to put it. “We have a list of responsibilities, for each individual.” He scowled, gently. “I’m supposed to keep out of everyone’s way.”
The young doctor looked taken aback. “Why?”
Kainon was saved from answering by another human coming out of Israa’s room, which was now quiet, and spotting him. “Ah, there you are.” The doctor walked over. “We’ve had to sedate her, which is problematic for a police interview. Is there anything you would like us to say, when we call the station?”
“Tell them to come tomorrow morning,” said Kainon. “She’ll be calmer then.”
* * *
Israa opened her eyes, and realised that, besides a slight sleepiness and an awfully fuzzy memory, she was quite clear-headed. It was a dreadful feeling. She shifted her limbs cautiously, and then saw the number of cords attached to her. She raised a hand-
“No you don’t.” Someone pinned her palm firmly between theirs. Israa frowned, following the thin arms up to a bruised but recognisably fairy face. “I’m not falling for that one again. Oh, and don’t fret; it’s the next morning. I told them that’d be better timing.”
Israa cocked her head; the exquisitely patterned brown wings were setting a spark of familiarity spluttering off in the back of her mind. “Do I know you?”
“Well, we’ve met several times, but you’ve never been at your best …” The fairy looked away, seeming abashed. “So I thought we could start over.” He inclined his head. “Kainonforden.” His hands twitched, like he’d considered lifting one to greet her properly, but decided not to.
Israa wondered at that. Surely he could easily hold her hand with one of his? Then she remembered why his name rang a bell. “Forlei’s son?”
“Yes.” Kainon looked surprised, then a hint of a smile settled around his mouth. “I do believe I’m as notorious as you are.”
Israa raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?”
His eyes widened, and then Kainon burst out laughing, loud and unrestrained. He let go of her hand to hold his stomach, rocking back on his stool, wings fanning.
The door opened, and Senchad walked in with an unfamiliar human. She saw Kainon whip around to face them, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t, but her kinsman was smiling. “Sounds like you’ve recovered your wit, Israa. I’m glad.”
“Glad I can talk to the police now?” She looked the newcomer up and down, and switched to human. “You’re not one of the people I spoke to last time.”
His mouth twitched. “There are more than two policemen in this city, you know. I’m Captain Davies.”
“It’s no good, you’ll never catch the dealer. All I could remember then was that he was taller than me, and might have worn gloves!”
The captain waved his hand. “We can talk about this down at the station.”
“But I barely remember anything this time …” Israa tensed as realisation hit her. “You’re going to lock me up, aren’t you?” Her hands fisted, twisting the sheets, breaths coming too fast.
“No, Israa,” said Senchad quickly. “It’ll be the same deal as last time. You just have to go to the station for an interview, and then report back every couple of days for a month. But …”
“But if I take X again, you’ll have to lock me up.”
“Yes.” It was Davies who answered.
Israa sighed. “I’ll try, Senchad.”
“I know you will.” The older fairy walked over to her other side, and gripped her shoulder. “And you’ll succeed, because you’re strong. You’ve just forgotten that. Your mother wouldn’t want you to be getting into such messes because of a faulty memory, would she?”
Israa gasped, tears prickling at her eyes. She barely noticed Kainon get to his feet, wings rigid, an angry retort only halted by Senchad’s upraised hand.
“She’d want you to prove that you’re stronger than this. Not to her, or me – to yourself. And I, for one, believe you can do it.”
Israa felt another hand touch her shoulder, hesitant. But when Kainon spoke, his voice was firm. “So do I.”
* * *
It had taken some convincing, but eventually her gang accepted her no-drugs announcement to mean she was still up for everything else. By the end of it, Israa was tired of their company; but she had to join in the dive-bombing, or they’d feel alienated anyway. She left as soon as she deemed polite, enjoying the breath-taking falling sensation but wanting to be alone.
Alone with her own thoughts; not always a good idea, Israa mused. Senchad had told her to be strong, though, hadn’t he? She landed at the lake where she’d mistaken Aysha for their mother, on the first anniversary. It seemed appropriate.
Israa sat by the water, letting her mind writhe itself into equilibrium, rather than suppress it. The ripples helped, giving her turbulent thoughts a visible pattern to imitate into serenity. It seemed to work, too; she felt quite calm when she began watching a brown patch flit around the surface. A few moments later, Israa saw it was a reflection, and looked up to see a fairy tumbling through the air.
She stood up, squinting at the distant figure. “Kainon?” she called.
The fairy halted, hovering for a second before plummeting down to meet her. Kainon flared out his wings at the last minute, landing with an aplomb her friends would have envied.
Then he looked uncertain, and Israa realised she’d been staring without saying anything. “Um … hi.”
Kainon’s face did something strange, like he was trying not to laugh, badly.
“What?”
“Oh, it’s just … you were so forward, at the hospital. I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“Oh.” Israa looked down, pushing past the voice chanting awkward, awkward and found something to say. “I hadn’t seen you since then, is all, and now, you’re so much more …”
“Relaxed?” Kainon cocked his head.
“Yourself.” Israa nodded at the sky. “That looked incredible, you know.”
Kainon blushed violently. “Th-thanks. I don’t have much else to do besides flying, but I haven’t gotten out for a while. I had to make myself scarce until the festival was over – that’s why you didn’t see me.”
Israa was trying not to giggle at his sudden redness. It was strange, this light-hearted feeling; different to the numbness she normally strived for with her gang, adrenalin cancelling sadness. And Kainon had only been with her for a minute or so.
He gave her space, she realised, without seeming to think about it; all the boys and few other girls in her gang were aggressive, demanding attention and instant answers. Kainon was the complete opposite, shy and hesitant like Aysha. But in him, it soothed her rather than dragged out her recklessness.
And here he was, still gazing at her patiently while she thought things out. Israa pulled up a smile, and it didn’t feel forced at all. “Would you show me how to do that loop?”
Kainon grinned back, eager as a child. “My pleasure.”
* * *
Kainon crouched in the thicket, nursing his cheek as he waited for the other fairies to move on. Not Darryd and his cronies, this time; there were plenty of young men around who decided the best way to relieve their boredom was to chase the half-blood. He hoped they wouldn’t make a habit of it in winter, though. It was quite cool already down here, out of the sun.
Soon enough Kainon could emerge and skip stones into the lake. There were quite a few hiding spots around its edges; he’d have to thank Israa for it when he saw her next …
Just then, someone came crashing through the forest towards the lake. Kainon took off and hovered over the water, just in case, but the haphazard progress sounded like-
“Israa!” He flew over and caught her as she jerked to a stop and nearly fell. Kainon stepped back once his friend was upright, trying to give her room, but she clung to him. Her eyes were swollen and teary as she looked across into his, and he suddenly knew exactly what she’d done.
“I didn’t mean …” Israa hiccupped, fingers digging into Kainon’s arms as she swayed. “They all look at me, I know they’re muttering about me – terrible daughter, shaming her memory – staring, staring … I couldn’t-”
“Shh, Israa.” Kainon pulled her closer, knowing it was no use trying to pry her fingers off. “I know, little one.”
“I just wanted it to stop!” she sobbed into his shoulder.
“It will; it just takes a little time. The police didn’t catch you?”
Israa shook her head, burrowing deeper into his arms.
“Then it’s alright.” Kainon held on and rocked her, remembering how the rhythm had soothed him as a child. “It’s going to get better, I promise.”
* * *
“There they go, off to fraternise with the humans again.”
“And look – Nairyin’s get! What her mother’d say, I don’t know.”
“Nothing, I bet – those two girls are proof she wasn’t one to be prudish!”
Israa felt herself shaking with fury and grief, but forced herself to keep walking. Her gang chattered beside her, blissfully ignoring the rumourmongers.
“I heard that bastard was getting friendly with her.”
“Ooh, d’you think the boys should scare him off?”
“No, no. She’s had enough human filth to be half-blood herself. He’d like that, the lusty beggar!”
Israa nearly turned around at that; she was used to her mother being dragged into things, but not Kainon. Poor, sweet Kainon, his life was difficult enough already. Maybe if she found herself a lover, the gossip would slow some. The boys in her gang had tried often enough, certainly. But Israa was firm; she was not interested in them, and not easy like that, even on a thrill-high. She was not her mother.
It took longer than usual to get into the party; there was another argument over payment. Eventually they were waved inside with the usual ‘fluttery freaks’ comment, but Israa caught the end of a different sentence before the music hit:
“… very well to pay entry with favours, but drugs need hard cash, understand?”
Bass tingled up her bare feet as Israa glanced behind, in time to see Hanlor brush a man’s hand off his shoulder and roll his eyes. She raised an eyebrow when she met his gaze, but her leader just flicked his wings impatiently and pushed past her.
Fine, if Hanlor wasn’t going to worry about it, neither would she. Israa wormed her way through the crush of humans until she was standing just before the stage, where the music vibrated in your bones and left no space for anything else.
“Hey!”
It took Israa a few moments to realise someone was talking to her. She wiped the sweat out of her eyes and looked up to see a human boy grinning at her. She blinked, but it wasn’t a trick of the lighting; he really did have blue hair, spiked with the gel humans liked so much. And the face beneath it was making her heart thump louder than the drums.
“Hey!” Israa yelled back, suddenly glad her cheeks were already red from exertion.
“I remember-” The rest of his words were drowned out in the crowd’s roar as the song ended. Israa shook her head, pointing at her ear, and the boy took her hand and led her further from the speakers. She wondered vaguely if she should pull away, but found she wasn’t at all uncomfortable.
“I remember seeing you here last week,” the boy said, crouching to speak into her ear. “I wanted to get you a drink, but I didn’t have the nerve. So can I buy you something before I lose it again?”
Interesting flirtation. “Sure.”
The boy’s face lit up in way that made her fingers tingle. “Great!” He turned to go, and then looked back. “Wait – what’s your name?”
“Israa.”
“Israa …” The boy lingered on the last syllable, a softer smile appearing on his lips that twitched Israa’s own mouth in reply. “Lovely. I’m Matt.” And he left.
She’d managed to get her breathing back under control by the time Matt returned with drinks. Israa took a sip, and it fizzed down her throat like festival cordial and made her gasp.
Matt grinned at her reaction. “First try?”
Israa nodded, and drank again rather than explain why. She didn’t want to tell him she had no money; what if he thought she was using him?
“Shame,” the human boy continued, unconcerned. “It really makes you feel alive, you know?”
“I’d rather dance for that.”
“Ah.” Matt looked thoughtful. “Yes, you hardly took a break last week. You look amazing out there, by the way.”
Israa blushed and glanced down into her ruby drink. “Thanks.” She looked up again when he moved, stopping only inches away. Israa wanted to say something in return, but she didn’t come to the human club to remember things. Besides, it was hard to think with those brown eyes so close.
“Such a shame you have to tuck those wings away, though,” Matt whispered. Even at this distance, Israa barely heard him. “Would you mind … ?”
Israa checked behind her before unfolding her wings, and turned back to Matt. He was gazing at her, mouth ajar.
“Last week …” Matt swallowed, obviously realising he was repeating himself, and tried again. “I thought you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. Now I know you are.”
* * *
Kainon was shocked to find someone else at the lake; it even took him a moment to remember Israa had found this spot first. But she hadn’t come to the lake for weeks, not since meeting that human. It felt strange, seeing her standing here, so content and relaxed. Filling a hole in his chest he hadn’t realised was there. Did company spoil him so quickly?
He’d seen her around, though, with the human boy. Matt, that was his name. She looked so happy … so drugged up. It broke his heart to see her falling so fast, when she’d just found light in the world again.
“Hey!” Israa had spotted him; she grinned as she walked over. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I, uh …” Kainon found himself checking her pupils and forced his gaze away. “I don’t know what to say. Haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” Israa frowned at him. “What’s the matter?”
“What’s the-” Kainon laughed. “Where should I start? Your boyfriend, perhaps?”
Israa narrowed her eyes. “You worried about us crossing species?”
“No, I-”
“It doesn’t matter, Kainon, we’re in love!”
“That’s not the problem! You’re taking that drug again, because of him!”
Israa paused, anger draining from her face. She looked down. “Yes.”
Kainon tried to put it gently. “Don’t you remember your promise to Senchad? You’ll be strong, you’ll do better?” Israa kept avoiding his eyes, and he felt something give. “Do you make a habit of lying to your own family?”
“How dare you!” There was nothing wrong with her eyes; Israa’s red irises blazed at him. “What would you know about family, huh? You’re just jealous I’ve found someone! You of all people shouldn’t judge me!”
Kainon started. “And what do you mean by that?” he whispered, though he had a good idea.
“I mean you shouldn’t object to my lover, half-blood!”
He saw her face change a split second afterwards, realising what she’d said. But Kainon was not going to stick around for the only fairy who hadn’t brought up his heritage to apologise. The damage was done.
* * *
It took Israa a moment to notice Matt had said something; his expression didn’t indicate he was really expecting an answer. And since he’d brought her outside, she couldn’t blame the music for not hearing.
“Hmm?” she said, and tripped over a bench. Matt reached out to steady her, but her wings had already flared out for balance. She quickly sat down, folding them away as if nothing had happened.
Matt shook his head and sat beside her. “Now.” He took Israa’s hands and frowned as he looked her straight in the eye. “What’s the matter? I haven’t got a laugh from you in days.”
Israa sighed; of course he had noticed. “I … had a fight with my friend last week. Said some things I shouldn’t have.”
Matt’s brow eased at once. “Oh.” He started to smile, then saw her face. “Hey …” He cupped her chin. “Don’t worry, no-one can stay mad at you for long!”
“No, it’s not that. I was one of the few he could trust, and then I betrayed him!” Israa felt her jaw trembling against his palm, and clamped it shut.
“You’ll make up, I’m sure.” Matt leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head aside. “Come on, Israa, talk to me. Something else is troubling you, isn’t it?”
She had to tell him eventually. Israa bit her lip. “I can’t keep taking X.”
He pulled back, searching her face. “Not going clean on me, are you?” Matt said at last. He was smiling, aiming for a light tone, but Israa saw a flash of concern in his eyes. It made her heart twist.
“If the police catch me again they’ll lock me up! And I … I can’t-”
“Ssh …” Matt took her face in his hands again, brushing her teary eyes with his thumbs. “Don’t worry about them, Israa! We’re taking on the world together, remember? And no one can touch us cause we’re flying so high …” His own eyes gleamed at the thought.
Israa really wished she could hold on to that vision as firmly as Matt; it had been so clear in her head before. But now it was splintering under the weight of her broken promises. She stood up abruptly, insides churning as furiously as her thoughts.
Matt reached out, but she stepped back. “I need to be alone.” Israa gazed at her lover until he nodded reluctantly. She turned and walked down the street, not wanting to feel like she was showing off by flying away immediately. Just as she turned the corner, however, someone grabbed her wrist.
“So this is the little firefly Matt’s been wooing, eh?”
“Let go!” Israa yanked her arm out of the man’s grip, but the next moment another human had pressed up against her back. She froze at the unexpected weight on her wings, giving the first man time to seize both of her arms. The human behind her covered her mouth, other arm lying heavy across her chest.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” the second man whispered in Israa’s ear as she bucked against their grip. “We just want a little chat. Don’t want to do something to get your boyfriend in trouble now, do we?”
Israa stopped struggling. If they hurt Matt … besides, maybe it was best these humans didn’t know she could throw them off just yet.
“Much better.” The hold didn’t loosen. “To business, then. You’ve been using an awful lot of X lately, haven’t you? We’d be glad about Matt expanding our market if you actually paid for the stuff.”
Israa considered getting the man’s hand off to speak, but he probably wouldn’t listen anyway. He didn’t strike her as the type to have many two-sided conversations.
“Your fluttery friends owe us money, too, but not as much as you. So we’re giving you advance notice. Pay up – in human money, mind – or …” The hand over her mouth vanished, leaving Israa free to gasp when the man grabbed the base of her wings. “We’ll see how long it takes to cut through these beauties. Black market doesn’t just deal in drugs, you know.”
The man gave a final twist before both humans released her, walking off into the night as Israa fell to her hands and knees, trying not to hyperventilate. You don’t touch my wings it’s not done not going to cut them off no no no …
* * *
Kainon found Israa sitting at the edge of the lake, weeping. He hesitated at the tree line, unsure if she wanted company. But this was their spot, where they met up when they needed a shoulder to lean on …
Israa raised her head, short hair tousled around her tear-stained face. She said she’d cut it and dyed it black when her mother died, probably earning her first wave of disapproval; she’d added red streaks a month ago, at Matt’s behest. Kainon blinked, trying to focus. She hadn’t told him to go away, yet. Should he go to her? Did he want to?
Then she got up and ran towards him, stopping her super-speed dash an inch away and throwing her arms around him. “Oh, Kainon, I’ve been such a fool!” And she told him, hiccupping, exactly how.
Kainon kept stroking her back, careful not to touch her wings. “You can get a human job; that’s how they get their money. I’m sure you can still be with Matt, even if you stop taking the drug …”
Israa let out another sob. “How do you know? He might leave me! And I can’t do any human work, I don’t know how! Who would give me a job anyway, even if I could do it?”
“Hey!” Kainon pulled out of the hug to hold her at arms’ length. “Remember what Senchad said, about you forgetting how strong you are? You’re forgetting you’re worth a damn, too. Your human’s much better than mine, for a start. I’m sure we’ll find you something.”
Israa gave him a watery smile, and then her eyes widened. “What I said to you before … I didn’t-”
Kainon hushed her. “It’s alright.” And, abruptly, it was. The hard ball of betrayal inside him had dissolved under her tears.
Israa shook her head. “I’m sorry.” She cried one last time, more quietly. Kainon held her, waiting for her to get it out of her system, trying not to get overwrought himself in sympathy. When she finally sniffed and pulled away, wiping her eyes, he felt exhausted. But the bright smile she offered him, with a proud tilt to her chin again, made it worthwhile.
He cleared the lump from his throat. “I don’t blame you for any of this, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.” Israa put her head on one side. “But you don’t pity me, either.”
Which is why you’re my friend. It hung in the air between them, inquiring.
Kainon sighed. “That’s because I went through the exact same thing, when my mother died.” Israa raised her eyebrows, and he nodded. “You would have been quite young, I doubt you’d remember. The only reason no one heard about my … madness … was that my so-called father locked me up half the time.”
“That’s horrible!”
“Hardly. The worst thing was that he kept telling me it was for my own good. I knew he was doing it for himself, the selfish git, but he always said it was to protect my mother’s name …” Kainon shook his head, breathing around his anger until he could speak again. “That’s not what you tell a grieving ten-year-old. That every time he misbehaves, someone will say a bad word about his parents’ marriage, and it’ll be his fault.”
Israa gripped his arm, hard. “It’s not your fault.”
Kainon smiled gently. “I know.” He patted her hand. “It took me five years to realise that. Five years to shout back that it was her mistake, and all I’d done was be born.” He paused to roll his eyes. “With her wing pattern.”
“That doesn’t mean anything, lots of people inherit-”
“Yes, lots of people do. And lots of people don’t. It just makes it all the more convenient to believe, you see? Just like being weak, and unable to run. Is it because I didn’t eat properly after her death, and no one would show me how to run? Or because I’m a worthless half-blood who belongs with the humans?”
At that, Israa reached out and pulled his chin around to face her. “You are not worthless,” she said fiercely. “No more than I’m a lost cause. We’ll show them! I’ll get a job, and you’ll get one too … one where you have to use your muscles, see if that doesn’t strengthen them up! And I’ll teach you how to run.”
Kainon smiled again, taking her hand in his. “Then we won’t be afraid of anything.” And he almost believed it.
Title: maybe tomorrow is a better day
Rating: PG (some violence, references to drug use)
Wordcount: 8177
Summary: Not even wings can let you escape from life.
Notes: Title from the Poets of the Fall song. Thanks to my beta Pebble for reminding me not to be lazy!
maybe tomorrow is a better day
“Israa, wait!”
“I can’t bear another second in there!” Israa shot over her shoulder. She strode out into the cool tree shade, fiery wings held stiffly open.
Aysha ran after her, tried to grab Israa’s arm and was shaken off. “Don’t go,” Aysha said, quietly.
Israa opened her mouth to retort, then sighed instead. “What can I do, Aysha?” She began to pace an angry circle through the leaves, not expecting an answer.
Aysha leaned against a tree, hugging herself. “You could stop that, for one thing. Calm down.”
“I can’t!” Israa’s eyes blazed. “I have such terrible thoughts in my head, and they won’t go away. The only way I can stop them is to move until I leave them behind, and I don’t have to think anymore. It hardly helps being trapped in there, surrounded by strangers with their false sympathy and their pity.” She spat the word at the ground. “How can you stand it?”
Aysha raised her eyebrows. “I have a little more faith in others,” she said, voice soft as ever. It grated against Israa’s rage. “And I control my feelings.”
“Oh, is that what you call it?” Israa snapped, rounding on her younger sister. “Then why won’t you talk about her?” Aysha looked away, and Israa wrestled to say something right for once. “I have all these things thundering inside me, but maybe if I told someone about them they wouldn’t be so loud. But you won’t listen! You just sit there, no words, no expression … it’s hard to think you feel anything at all!”
Aysha clenched her fists, pale wings flicking open. “Don’t think I’m any less unhappy than you because I’m more controlled! I just don’t have to throw my feelings in everyone’s faces to make myself feel wanted! You think your way’s better?”
“Yes!” Israa heard her voice tremble, and spoke louder to cover it. “At least I know I’m feeling something!”
“You’re too scared to face your feelings, so you’re pushing them at me!”
“I …” Israa was thrown by the accusation; she knew it was true. “I’m not running away!”
Aysha shook her head, anger already leaving her face. “You pretend to be so daring, but you’re just a coward.”
Israa felt something snap. “Don’t talk down to me like you’re so perfect!” she yelled. “You don’t control your feelings, you’re suppressing them! Won’t talk about it, won’t think about it. And that’s just as bad as running. Keep it up for much longer, and people will forget you’ve got more emotions than some doll!” She turned on her heel and walked away, trying not to say anything worse. Trying not to let the churning mess in her head move to her stomach.
“Oh, go on then, do another stupid stunt!” Aysha shouted after her. “No one cares about a half-crazed delinquent!”
The words thudded into Israa’s heart, stilling the half-formed reply on her lips. Instead she kept going, pretending not to feel the tears in her eyes, unaware of Aysha doing the same behind her.
* * *
Kainon tightened his grip on the bag, searching the trees around him. The market was spilling noise from behind, but he’d definitely heard something …
A blur sped towards him, he stepped back and jumped into the air but the other fairy caught his wrist. Kainon’s brown wings buzzed, but he was held firm.
“Hear me out, half-blood.” The snarl on the fairy’s face made the simple words threatening. Kainon sighed and came down; he’d rather avoid a confrontation, especially with this guy. What was his name? Darryd-something. His scowling face was certainly familiar.
Kainon crossed his arms, trying to control his irritation. “What do you want?” What had he done this time?
Darryd stepped towards him; Kainon had to back away or be trodden on. “I’m warning you off from sniffing around our gir-”
“Sniffing around?” Never mind tact, this was too much. “I was bartering, at a public stall. Is that a crime now?”
Darryd grabbed his shirt and slammed him against a tree, pinning his folded wings behind him. Kainon resisted the urge to struggle; his damn mouth got him into enough trouble by itself. Darryd put his face in close. “The harvest moon festival is coming up, and-”
“Is it?” Kainon stared in mock surprise, wishing his mouth would listen to his brain for once and shut up. “I’d completely forgotten. Thanks for the remin-”
Darryd cut him off by pushing him further up the trunk, fists pressing against his throat. Kainon’s hands scrabbled at the wood, but the bigger fairy was too strong. He was too scrawny, and didn’t dare kick out …
“Hey, tough guy!”
Both men looked around to stare at the girl who had spoken, Kainon squinting against the stars across his vision. Her blue wings were open and flicking impatiently.
“I think we can defend our own virtues, thank you,” she said, sweetly.
Kainon, now gripping Darryd’s wrists to take some of the weight off his neck, blinked. Why did she sound familiar?
“He’s a lecherous, half-blood bastard!” Darryd protested, a little uncertainly. It seemed he wasn’t used to fairy girls interrupting him.
“Please.” The girl walked forward to eye Kainon critically. “He hardly looks like either of those. Now let him go.”
Darryd spat. “You’re just as bad as that crazy-”
“Let him down, or I’ll fetch that crazy sister of mine and we’ll make you.”
They glared at each other for a moment, and then Darryd obliged. Kainon fell to his hands and knees, coughing, wings open and limp. For a moment all he could think of was how wonderful the air felt spilling into his chest; then Darryd brought him back to earth by treading on his hand. Kainon held it to his chest as he folded his wings and sat up, stupid mouth ready to go again, but Darryd had gone. There was only the girl, gazing at him steadily.
“Thank you,” he panted. He examined his rescuer properly as he considered what to say; her wings were patterned, like his, but so pale it was barely visible. She looked fragile. He decided not to tell the girl she’d only delayed the inevitable, that the boys always came after him around festivals. He laid his hand over his heart, gingerly. “Kainonforden.”
The girl opened her mouth to introduce herself, then frowned. “Forden? Isn’t that-”
“My mother’s name, yes.” He tilted his head, daring her to say he couldn’t do that.
She shifted uncomfortably, finally settling with, “Surely that just encourages all this?”
Kainon got to his feet, and looked down at her in some surprise. She was quite small, if he was taller. “What do you mean?”
The girl gestured vaguely. “If you took your father’s name …”
Kainon’s anger flared, as it always did. “My father?” He spat the word like it was nightshade juice. “That monster I had to live alone with until he threw me out, when I was” – he looked at her carefully – “younger than you? I wouldn’t take his name in a thousand years. Not even if I had no mother to replace it with.”
The girl seemed startled by his reaction. “So he isn’t your father?” She blushed and glanced away at the look on his face. “I’m sorry, I …”
“No, it’s alright.” Kainon sighed. “Everyone’s curious. It’s just … most fairies don’t ask. They just assume.”
“Ah.” She nodded. “I know all about that. Everyone assumes they know how I feel about my sister. But how can they, when I don’t know myself?”
“Sorry, what was your name?” asked Kainon, though he had a suspicion.
“Ayshanairden.”
“Oh, that crazy sister,” said Kainon, before he could stop himself.
“Yes. Oh.” Aysha bit her lip, blinking quickly.
Kainon fished around for something to say to comfort her, but could only think of a confession in return. “I don’t know who my father is. My mother never said; there were only the rumours. Can’t say I blame her for being unfaithful.”
Aysha gazed at him, suspicion and shock chasing across her face, before finishing on a grim smile. “We don’t know our father either.” She shook her head. “Nairyin and Forlei, the two great scandals of their time.”
“Leaving their children behind to suffer in ignorance,” said Kainon, without thinking. He looked up, an apology on his tongue, but Aysha ran off. Damn. There was no way he could catch her now.
* * *
Kainon managed to get home safely, after a while. He’d climbed the tree just before Darryd reappeared, saw he was gone and flew up to check the sky. Once Darryd landed to search the ground for him, Kainon pushed off and flew in a straight line as fast as he could. Every adult fairy could outrun him, but few could fly like him.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, for once. It was evening when a knock came at his door, just as a notorious group of young fairies was entering a human disco. Kainon was relaxed enough to unlock the door before he thought to check who it was first.
“That you, Jestyn?” he called hopefully, ignoring the voice in his head whispering that his elderly neighbour didn’t knock that hard.
By way of answer, the fairy outside pushed the door open and punched him in the eye. Kainon staggered back, tripped and would have fallen if his wings hadn’t instinctively fanned out for balance. He hovered for a moment, then let himself drop to the floor, trying to present a smaller target.
“Now, where were we?” said Darryd, stepping forward to let in two more fairies.
Kainon gulped as they came towards him; he couldn’t escape indoors. “Really, you don’t have to do this, I got the message-” He cut himself off, trying to avoid a blow to the ribs, without success.
“Not the one about keeping your mouth shut, it seems.” Darryd raised his voice above Kainon’s grunts as the other fairies beat the breath from his body. “And you should know better not to let girls interfere in men’s business.”
Kainon would have pointed out that he had hardly been in a position to stop Aysha from doing so, if he wasn’t busy clutching his stomach and gasping. Darryd must have made some gesture, for his friends reached down again to roll Kainon over and pin his arms to the floor.
“I have a new message for you, anyway,” Darryd continued, sitting on Kainon’s legs and stroking the curled patterns on a wing. The normally intimate contact made Kainon jerk, then freeze when Darryd touched something sharp to the edge. “If I see you again between now and the festival, I’ll … decorate your pretty wings some.”
“No!” Kainon tried to look at him over his shoulder, still out of breath.
Darryd just laughed and stood up, the other fairies releasing their grip as well. Kainon sat up to watch them leave, just in case; they were out the door before the shaking started. Kainon hunched over, acutely aware of his wings brushing the floor, biting his wrist to muffle his horrified sobs.
* * *
It was after midnight by the time Kainon decided he wasn’t going to get any more sleep, not since he’d woken up covered in sweat some hours ago. He needed cool night air passing over his wings (oh sweet grace, his wings) to calm himself down.
His hands trembled as he barred the windows and locked the door behind him, his swollen left eye not helping matters. Once he was speeding over the trees, however, he felt better. After a moment’s thought, he headed for the lights of the human city; they might be an alien species, but tonight they were less frightening than his own kind. Less likely to rip his wings to shreds because of a mistake his mother had made twenty-five years ago.
The city fascinated Kainon as he flitted between buildings. He’d flown over the outskirts a few times by day, but at night it became another creature entirely. Everything was bright and moving and alive, in a completely different way to the dark hum of the forest.
Then he saw something moving on a rooftop. He squinted as he swooped closer, dazzled by the lights, and paused in shock when he saw it was a fairy. Not just any fairy, he realised; it was Aysha’s older sister, minus her gang of half-mad adrenalin junkies. What was her name?
“Israa?” Kainon called softly, landing awkwardly on the roof; his depth perception wasn’t at its best.
The girl spun around, and then staggered. He frowned; what was the matter with her? Her eyes looked … ah. Last year she’d run herself to exhaustion, trying to forget it was the first anniversary of her mother’s death; it seemed this year she’d turned to human substances.
“Go ‘way!” Israa stumbled again. Kainon noticed she was shaking.
He took a careful step towards her. “It’s okay, Israa, it’s just me. Remember?” She jittered away from him, so he stopped and spread his hands. “You hit your head, last year, and I took you home to look after you …” And then you ran off before I could explain, but I won’t remind you of that. “Come on, Israa, take my hand. I won’t hurt you.”
“No!” She ran to the edge of the roof, nearly tumbling over as she hit the wall. Kainon cursed and took off at the same time she did.
“Wait!” he cried, trying to reach her. He watched in horror as her wings buzzed once, twice … and stopped. He was a metre away when she dropped like a hailstone. Kainon folded his wings and followed, wincing as his bruised torso hit hers. He beat his wings, managing to slow their descent enough to land softly.
Israa’s breathing sounded erratic. Kainon laid her down, folding her red and yellow wings along her back. He hardly spared a thought for the unusual bi-colouring; she’d taken something human and it was disagreeing with her. This was a human problem, so he needed humans to fix it.
He stood up, and looked around the empty street. How could he find some? Then he remembered hearing about certain devices – machines, that was it – humans used to contact each other. Kainon closed his eyes, calling up the human alphabet he’d learned years ago. Sounded like … foan …
He blinked at the illuminated sign down the street. P-h-o-n-e? Close enough. Kainon ran up to the machine on the wall, and looked at the notice next to it. He couldn’t remember many human words, but emergency looked right. He pressed the numbers into the phone, hoping his spoken human was still better than his written.
“Police, fire, or ambulance?”
Kainon hesitated. He knew what the other words meant … he hoped. “Ambulance.”
A few minutes later, Kainon returned to where Israa lay and collapsed next to her. She’d better be grateful this time; his head was spinning with unfamiliar words. Street name? How was he supposed to know what that was?
* * *
Kainon was finally starting to feel tired when a nurse came in and said the police had arrived. He glanced out the window before leaving Israa’s room; it was still a few hours till sunrise. He folded his wings and slumped against the wall with his head down, hoping he could hide behind his hair and avoid the humans’ attention. But when he heard the two sets of footsteps approaching, only one was wearing shoes.
Bare feet stepped into Kainon’s line of sight. “And who are you?”
“I’m the one that found her.” Kainon glanced upwards quickly, getting a glimpse of a fairy with plain green wings and a human jacket. He’d heard of a fairy working in the city, but the reality still took him by surprise.
“Yet you brought her to a human hospital? Why didn’t you bring her to me?”
Like you’re that important, mister. Kainon just managed to swallow the words. “Well … who are you?” he blurted instead.
The fairy sighed. “Senchadtaelden. Now answer me.”
“I didn’t know you were looking for her, did I?” Kainon said, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. He cleared his throat, and tried again, quieter. “She nearly died. I tried to look after her when she did something stupid a year ago, but it didn’t work out. The humans were closer.” Not to mention friendlier.
“What is your name?” The frown was practically audible.
In answer, Kainon lifted his head and stood upright, watching Senchad take in his black eye.
“You’re that …”
“That bastard, yes.” He brushed his chest, irreverent. “Kainonforden.”
Senchad raised an eyebrow, at his name or sub-standard greeting, Kainon couldn’t tell. “Who gave you that?” He nodded at Kainon’s swollen eye.
Kainon did his best not to scowl; it hurt. “Some of the respectable young men always get twitchy before festivals. Feel the need to prevent me from contaminating potential partners.”
“So you came to the city to find a pre-contaminated one?” Senchad snapped, abruptly cold.
Kainon glared, wings flicking open. “She’s not-”
“No, she isn’t.” The two fairies stared at each other, wild brown eye to stern green ones, until Senchad glanced away. “As long as you weren’t the one getting her into this state, that’s fine by me.”
Kainon opened and shut his mouth a few times, indignant and, for once, lost for words. “I … not … I didn’t get her like this, I’m the one who-”
“Saved her, apparently.” The human policeman, having finished talking to the doctors, had come over. It took Kainon a moment to realise he’d spoken in fairy; before he could comment on it, the human spoke again in his own tongue. “Senchad, who is this?”
“Captain Davies, this is Kainonforden.”
“Forden,” the captain held out his hand. Kainon blinked at it, too busy translating human to remember their customs.
Senchad shuffled his wings, embarrassed. “Captain, we don’t-”
“Yes, I forgot.” Davies fixed Kainon with an intent stare; the fairy found his spine straightening under the weight. “What happened?”
“I recognised her on top of a roof, and I knew she woul- … wouldn’t be feeling her best tonight.” Kainon glanced at Senchad, uncertain of how much to say. “She tried to fly off, but she fainted. I managed to catch her,” he grimaced, absently pressing an arm to his belly, “just.”
The captain looked at Senchad, who nodded. “Very well.” He took a little box from his pocket and tapped his fingers to it. “I’ve asked them to do a blood test; if it’s Xenotryphan, which the others seem to have taken, then-”
“You’ll put her on parole, as before.” Senchad’s gaze was steady.
Davies huffed. “With all due respect, Senchad, you’re a detective, not an officer.”
“I am the fairy representative, and I tell you her situation is unchanged. She stayed clean last time, so this is probably only the second time she’s had it.”
“And how can you know that?”
“If ever there’s a time Israa would do something dangerous and reckless,” Kainon said quietly, “it would be tonight. Night before the anniversary.”
The other men stared at him like they’d forgotten he was there. Kainon tried, and failed, to appreciate being unremarkable.
“Exactly,” said Senchad eventually. “Locking her up would kill her. Just do what you did last time!”
“Oh, and that worked so well, did it?” The captain rubbed his forehead. “She needs someone to stay with her, keep her calm when she wakes.”
“I’ve got a job to do.” Senchad sighed. “Much as I’d like to watch over my cousin’s child.”
Kainon raised his eyebrows, and then found his voice. “I’ll do it.”
“No, Kainon,” said Senchad softly, in fairy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Who else is going to do it?” Kainon replied in kind, gesturing around. “You need a fairy. I looked after her once before, nobody complained then!”
“That’s what concerns me.”
“You-” Kainon pressed his fist to his lips for a moment as if he could hold in his anger. “None of the rumours are true! I can show you my damn memories if you like! Come on, give me a chance. I’d have thought you of all fairies would have an open mind!” He waved at the captain. “You know not all humans are bad news, just like not all fairies are good news!” He jabbed a finger towards his black eye.
“Alright, Kainon.” Senchad laid a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. You can stay with her. Call us when she wakes up – but if I get one whiff of trouble …”
“Go on, make a threat,” Kainon spat. “I’m overdue.” Then he sighed and put a hand to his head. “I mean …” He lifted his chin, meeting Senchad’s eyes. “Thank you. I won’t let you down.”
* * *
Kainon jerked awake, nearly falling off the stool the humans had found for him. The first thing he noticed, after he remembered where he was, was how hungry he felt. He regretted turning down the offer of food when the day shift came in.
He stretched his wings as he walked over to the window, and saw the sun was high in the sky. No wonder he was hungry; maybe he could go and get some food? But he’d promised to stay with Israa …
A murmur from the bed made him turn, in time to see Israa open her eyes. Kainon frowned when he saw they were still odd-looking; in daylight he could finally see why. Her red irises were almost gone, swallowed up in the pupils. It couldn’t be healthy.
“Hey,” he said softly, to draw her attention. “Remember me this time?”
Israa narrowed her eyes at him, after giving the room a cursory glance. “No,” she replied, defiantly. Kainon took that as a maybe. “How long have I been out? What day is it?”
“The bad day, I’m afraid.” Kainon watched her carefully, wanting to give her space but wary of her reaction. “I only found you last night.”
“No,” Israa muttered. “Not long enough!” She started tugging at the cords on her chest.
Kainon ran to her bed as her hands moved faster than a human eye could follow. If he could run like a fairy, damn it, he could stop this! He reached her just as she pulled the needle from her arm, and grabbed her wrists before she could jab it anywhere else.
“What are you doing?” he shouted, over the machines’ frantic beeping.
“Making sure they sedate me!” Israa lay back, unresisting, and a manic smile spread across her face. There was no mirth in her eyes. “I didn’t drug myself into oblivion just to wake up the next bloody day!”
Kainon gaped at her for a moment, and then the humans came rushing in. Israa suddenly struggled against his grip, and he did his best to hold on. If she was at her full strength, he realised, she would have managed to break free.
“Out of the way!” Someone elbowed him aside to get at Israa, accidently hitting a tender spot. Kainon cried out and staggered back against the wall. He craned his head, trying to see what they were doing.
“If you could come outside with me, mister?” said another doctor, touching his arm.
Kainon jerked away. “But they can’t-”
“She can hardly hold off four at once, surely?”
Kainon turned around to face the human, and winced when he saw from her expression he’d moved too fast. “Sorry.” The first word he remembered learning.
“They’ll look after her, mister,” she assured him as she walked him out into the corridor. Kainon’s stomach grumbled, and her mouth moved in a quick grin. “I can show you to the cafeteria, if you like?”
He took a moment to translate the unfamiliar word. “Oh, thank you.” Kainon smiled. “But I should wait until they come out; they were supposed to call Sen- … the police when she woke up.”
“Yes, of course.” The human seemed to be searching for something to say. “It’s touching, you staying with her like this, but … haven’t you got something to do, back home? A job?”
“Fairies don’t have jobs.” Kainon thought of how best to put it. “We have a list of responsibilities, for each individual.” He scowled, gently. “I’m supposed to keep out of everyone’s way.”
The young doctor looked taken aback. “Why?”
Kainon was saved from answering by another human coming out of Israa’s room, which was now quiet, and spotting him. “Ah, there you are.” The doctor walked over. “We’ve had to sedate her, which is problematic for a police interview. Is there anything you would like us to say, when we call the station?”
“Tell them to come tomorrow morning,” said Kainon. “She’ll be calmer then.”
* * *
Israa opened her eyes, and realised that, besides a slight sleepiness and an awfully fuzzy memory, she was quite clear-headed. It was a dreadful feeling. She shifted her limbs cautiously, and then saw the number of cords attached to her. She raised a hand-
“No you don’t.” Someone pinned her palm firmly between theirs. Israa frowned, following the thin arms up to a bruised but recognisably fairy face. “I’m not falling for that one again. Oh, and don’t fret; it’s the next morning. I told them that’d be better timing.”
Israa cocked her head; the exquisitely patterned brown wings were setting a spark of familiarity spluttering off in the back of her mind. “Do I know you?”
“Well, we’ve met several times, but you’ve never been at your best …” The fairy looked away, seeming abashed. “So I thought we could start over.” He inclined his head. “Kainonforden.” His hands twitched, like he’d considered lifting one to greet her properly, but decided not to.
Israa wondered at that. Surely he could easily hold her hand with one of his? Then she remembered why his name rang a bell. “Forlei’s son?”
“Yes.” Kainon looked surprised, then a hint of a smile settled around his mouth. “I do believe I’m as notorious as you are.”
Israa raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?”
His eyes widened, and then Kainon burst out laughing, loud and unrestrained. He let go of her hand to hold his stomach, rocking back on his stool, wings fanning.
The door opened, and Senchad walked in with an unfamiliar human. She saw Kainon whip around to face them, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t, but her kinsman was smiling. “Sounds like you’ve recovered your wit, Israa. I’m glad.”
“Glad I can talk to the police now?” She looked the newcomer up and down, and switched to human. “You’re not one of the people I spoke to last time.”
His mouth twitched. “There are more than two policemen in this city, you know. I’m Captain Davies.”
“It’s no good, you’ll never catch the dealer. All I could remember then was that he was taller than me, and might have worn gloves!”
The captain waved his hand. “We can talk about this down at the station.”
“But I barely remember anything this time …” Israa tensed as realisation hit her. “You’re going to lock me up, aren’t you?” Her hands fisted, twisting the sheets, breaths coming too fast.
“No, Israa,” said Senchad quickly. “It’ll be the same deal as last time. You just have to go to the station for an interview, and then report back every couple of days for a month. But …”
“But if I take X again, you’ll have to lock me up.”
“Yes.” It was Davies who answered.
Israa sighed. “I’ll try, Senchad.”
“I know you will.” The older fairy walked over to her other side, and gripped her shoulder. “And you’ll succeed, because you’re strong. You’ve just forgotten that. Your mother wouldn’t want you to be getting into such messes because of a faulty memory, would she?”
Israa gasped, tears prickling at her eyes. She barely noticed Kainon get to his feet, wings rigid, an angry retort only halted by Senchad’s upraised hand.
“She’d want you to prove that you’re stronger than this. Not to her, or me – to yourself. And I, for one, believe you can do it.”
Israa felt another hand touch her shoulder, hesitant. But when Kainon spoke, his voice was firm. “So do I.”
* * *
It had taken some convincing, but eventually her gang accepted her no-drugs announcement to mean she was still up for everything else. By the end of it, Israa was tired of their company; but she had to join in the dive-bombing, or they’d feel alienated anyway. She left as soon as she deemed polite, enjoying the breath-taking falling sensation but wanting to be alone.
Alone with her own thoughts; not always a good idea, Israa mused. Senchad had told her to be strong, though, hadn’t he? She landed at the lake where she’d mistaken Aysha for their mother, on the first anniversary. It seemed appropriate.
Israa sat by the water, letting her mind writhe itself into equilibrium, rather than suppress it. The ripples helped, giving her turbulent thoughts a visible pattern to imitate into serenity. It seemed to work, too; she felt quite calm when she began watching a brown patch flit around the surface. A few moments later, Israa saw it was a reflection, and looked up to see a fairy tumbling through the air.
She stood up, squinting at the distant figure. “Kainon?” she called.
The fairy halted, hovering for a second before plummeting down to meet her. Kainon flared out his wings at the last minute, landing with an aplomb her friends would have envied.
Then he looked uncertain, and Israa realised she’d been staring without saying anything. “Um … hi.”
Kainon’s face did something strange, like he was trying not to laugh, badly.
“What?”
“Oh, it’s just … you were so forward, at the hospital. I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“Oh.” Israa looked down, pushing past the voice chanting awkward, awkward and found something to say. “I hadn’t seen you since then, is all, and now, you’re so much more …”
“Relaxed?” Kainon cocked his head.
“Yourself.” Israa nodded at the sky. “That looked incredible, you know.”
Kainon blushed violently. “Th-thanks. I don’t have much else to do besides flying, but I haven’t gotten out for a while. I had to make myself scarce until the festival was over – that’s why you didn’t see me.”
Israa was trying not to giggle at his sudden redness. It was strange, this light-hearted feeling; different to the numbness she normally strived for with her gang, adrenalin cancelling sadness. And Kainon had only been with her for a minute or so.
He gave her space, she realised, without seeming to think about it; all the boys and few other girls in her gang were aggressive, demanding attention and instant answers. Kainon was the complete opposite, shy and hesitant like Aysha. But in him, it soothed her rather than dragged out her recklessness.
And here he was, still gazing at her patiently while she thought things out. Israa pulled up a smile, and it didn’t feel forced at all. “Would you show me how to do that loop?”
Kainon grinned back, eager as a child. “My pleasure.”
* * *
Kainon crouched in the thicket, nursing his cheek as he waited for the other fairies to move on. Not Darryd and his cronies, this time; there were plenty of young men around who decided the best way to relieve their boredom was to chase the half-blood. He hoped they wouldn’t make a habit of it in winter, though. It was quite cool already down here, out of the sun.
Soon enough Kainon could emerge and skip stones into the lake. There were quite a few hiding spots around its edges; he’d have to thank Israa for it when he saw her next …
Just then, someone came crashing through the forest towards the lake. Kainon took off and hovered over the water, just in case, but the haphazard progress sounded like-
“Israa!” He flew over and caught her as she jerked to a stop and nearly fell. Kainon stepped back once his friend was upright, trying to give her room, but she clung to him. Her eyes were swollen and teary as she looked across into his, and he suddenly knew exactly what she’d done.
“I didn’t mean …” Israa hiccupped, fingers digging into Kainon’s arms as she swayed. “They all look at me, I know they’re muttering about me – terrible daughter, shaming her memory – staring, staring … I couldn’t-”
“Shh, Israa.” Kainon pulled her closer, knowing it was no use trying to pry her fingers off. “I know, little one.”
“I just wanted it to stop!” she sobbed into his shoulder.
“It will; it just takes a little time. The police didn’t catch you?”
Israa shook her head, burrowing deeper into his arms.
“Then it’s alright.” Kainon held on and rocked her, remembering how the rhythm had soothed him as a child. “It’s going to get better, I promise.”
* * *
“There they go, off to fraternise with the humans again.”
“And look – Nairyin’s get! What her mother’d say, I don’t know.”
“Nothing, I bet – those two girls are proof she wasn’t one to be prudish!”
Israa felt herself shaking with fury and grief, but forced herself to keep walking. Her gang chattered beside her, blissfully ignoring the rumourmongers.
“I heard that bastard was getting friendly with her.”
“Ooh, d’you think the boys should scare him off?”
“No, no. She’s had enough human filth to be half-blood herself. He’d like that, the lusty beggar!”
Israa nearly turned around at that; she was used to her mother being dragged into things, but not Kainon. Poor, sweet Kainon, his life was difficult enough already. Maybe if she found herself a lover, the gossip would slow some. The boys in her gang had tried often enough, certainly. But Israa was firm; she was not interested in them, and not easy like that, even on a thrill-high. She was not her mother.
It took longer than usual to get into the party; there was another argument over payment. Eventually they were waved inside with the usual ‘fluttery freaks’ comment, but Israa caught the end of a different sentence before the music hit:
“… very well to pay entry with favours, but drugs need hard cash, understand?”
Bass tingled up her bare feet as Israa glanced behind, in time to see Hanlor brush a man’s hand off his shoulder and roll his eyes. She raised an eyebrow when she met his gaze, but her leader just flicked his wings impatiently and pushed past her.
Fine, if Hanlor wasn’t going to worry about it, neither would she. Israa wormed her way through the crush of humans until she was standing just before the stage, where the music vibrated in your bones and left no space for anything else.
“Hey!”
It took Israa a few moments to realise someone was talking to her. She wiped the sweat out of her eyes and looked up to see a human boy grinning at her. She blinked, but it wasn’t a trick of the lighting; he really did have blue hair, spiked with the gel humans liked so much. And the face beneath it was making her heart thump louder than the drums.
“Hey!” Israa yelled back, suddenly glad her cheeks were already red from exertion.
“I remember-” The rest of his words were drowned out in the crowd’s roar as the song ended. Israa shook her head, pointing at her ear, and the boy took her hand and led her further from the speakers. She wondered vaguely if she should pull away, but found she wasn’t at all uncomfortable.
“I remember seeing you here last week,” the boy said, crouching to speak into her ear. “I wanted to get you a drink, but I didn’t have the nerve. So can I buy you something before I lose it again?”
Interesting flirtation. “Sure.”
The boy’s face lit up in way that made her fingers tingle. “Great!” He turned to go, and then looked back. “Wait – what’s your name?”
“Israa.”
“Israa …” The boy lingered on the last syllable, a softer smile appearing on his lips that twitched Israa’s own mouth in reply. “Lovely. I’m Matt.” And he left.
She’d managed to get her breathing back under control by the time Matt returned with drinks. Israa took a sip, and it fizzed down her throat like festival cordial and made her gasp.
Matt grinned at her reaction. “First try?”
Israa nodded, and drank again rather than explain why. She didn’t want to tell him she had no money; what if he thought she was using him?
“Shame,” the human boy continued, unconcerned. “It really makes you feel alive, you know?”
“I’d rather dance for that.”
“Ah.” Matt looked thoughtful. “Yes, you hardly took a break last week. You look amazing out there, by the way.”
Israa blushed and glanced down into her ruby drink. “Thanks.” She looked up again when he moved, stopping only inches away. Israa wanted to say something in return, but she didn’t come to the human club to remember things. Besides, it was hard to think with those brown eyes so close.
“Such a shame you have to tuck those wings away, though,” Matt whispered. Even at this distance, Israa barely heard him. “Would you mind … ?”
Israa checked behind her before unfolding her wings, and turned back to Matt. He was gazing at her, mouth ajar.
“Last week …” Matt swallowed, obviously realising he was repeating himself, and tried again. “I thought you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. Now I know you are.”
* * *
Kainon was shocked to find someone else at the lake; it even took him a moment to remember Israa had found this spot first. But she hadn’t come to the lake for weeks, not since meeting that human. It felt strange, seeing her standing here, so content and relaxed. Filling a hole in his chest he hadn’t realised was there. Did company spoil him so quickly?
He’d seen her around, though, with the human boy. Matt, that was his name. She looked so happy … so drugged up. It broke his heart to see her falling so fast, when she’d just found light in the world again.
“Hey!” Israa had spotted him; she grinned as she walked over. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I, uh …” Kainon found himself checking her pupils and forced his gaze away. “I don’t know what to say. Haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” Israa frowned at him. “What’s the matter?”
“What’s the-” Kainon laughed. “Where should I start? Your boyfriend, perhaps?”
Israa narrowed her eyes. “You worried about us crossing species?”
“No, I-”
“It doesn’t matter, Kainon, we’re in love!”
“That’s not the problem! You’re taking that drug again, because of him!”
Israa paused, anger draining from her face. She looked down. “Yes.”
Kainon tried to put it gently. “Don’t you remember your promise to Senchad? You’ll be strong, you’ll do better?” Israa kept avoiding his eyes, and he felt something give. “Do you make a habit of lying to your own family?”
“How dare you!” There was nothing wrong with her eyes; Israa’s red irises blazed at him. “What would you know about family, huh? You’re just jealous I’ve found someone! You of all people shouldn’t judge me!”
Kainon started. “And what do you mean by that?” he whispered, though he had a good idea.
“I mean you shouldn’t object to my lover, half-blood!”
He saw her face change a split second afterwards, realising what she’d said. But Kainon was not going to stick around for the only fairy who hadn’t brought up his heritage to apologise. The damage was done.
* * *
It took Israa a moment to notice Matt had said something; his expression didn’t indicate he was really expecting an answer. And since he’d brought her outside, she couldn’t blame the music for not hearing.
“Hmm?” she said, and tripped over a bench. Matt reached out to steady her, but her wings had already flared out for balance. She quickly sat down, folding them away as if nothing had happened.
Matt shook his head and sat beside her. “Now.” He took Israa’s hands and frowned as he looked her straight in the eye. “What’s the matter? I haven’t got a laugh from you in days.”
Israa sighed; of course he had noticed. “I … had a fight with my friend last week. Said some things I shouldn’t have.”
Matt’s brow eased at once. “Oh.” He started to smile, then saw her face. “Hey …” He cupped her chin. “Don’t worry, no-one can stay mad at you for long!”
“No, it’s not that. I was one of the few he could trust, and then I betrayed him!” Israa felt her jaw trembling against his palm, and clamped it shut.
“You’ll make up, I’m sure.” Matt leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head aside. “Come on, Israa, talk to me. Something else is troubling you, isn’t it?”
She had to tell him eventually. Israa bit her lip. “I can’t keep taking X.”
He pulled back, searching her face. “Not going clean on me, are you?” Matt said at last. He was smiling, aiming for a light tone, but Israa saw a flash of concern in his eyes. It made her heart twist.
“If the police catch me again they’ll lock me up! And I … I can’t-”
“Ssh …” Matt took her face in his hands again, brushing her teary eyes with his thumbs. “Don’t worry about them, Israa! We’re taking on the world together, remember? And no one can touch us cause we’re flying so high …” His own eyes gleamed at the thought.
Israa really wished she could hold on to that vision as firmly as Matt; it had been so clear in her head before. But now it was splintering under the weight of her broken promises. She stood up abruptly, insides churning as furiously as her thoughts.
Matt reached out, but she stepped back. “I need to be alone.” Israa gazed at her lover until he nodded reluctantly. She turned and walked down the street, not wanting to feel like she was showing off by flying away immediately. Just as she turned the corner, however, someone grabbed her wrist.
“So this is the little firefly Matt’s been wooing, eh?”
“Let go!” Israa yanked her arm out of the man’s grip, but the next moment another human had pressed up against her back. She froze at the unexpected weight on her wings, giving the first man time to seize both of her arms. The human behind her covered her mouth, other arm lying heavy across her chest.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” the second man whispered in Israa’s ear as she bucked against their grip. “We just want a little chat. Don’t want to do something to get your boyfriend in trouble now, do we?”
Israa stopped struggling. If they hurt Matt … besides, maybe it was best these humans didn’t know she could throw them off just yet.
“Much better.” The hold didn’t loosen. “To business, then. You’ve been using an awful lot of X lately, haven’t you? We’d be glad about Matt expanding our market if you actually paid for the stuff.”
Israa considered getting the man’s hand off to speak, but he probably wouldn’t listen anyway. He didn’t strike her as the type to have many two-sided conversations.
“Your fluttery friends owe us money, too, but not as much as you. So we’re giving you advance notice. Pay up – in human money, mind – or …” The hand over her mouth vanished, leaving Israa free to gasp when the man grabbed the base of her wings. “We’ll see how long it takes to cut through these beauties. Black market doesn’t just deal in drugs, you know.”
The man gave a final twist before both humans released her, walking off into the night as Israa fell to her hands and knees, trying not to hyperventilate. You don’t touch my wings it’s not done not going to cut them off no no no …
* * *
Kainon found Israa sitting at the edge of the lake, weeping. He hesitated at the tree line, unsure if she wanted company. But this was their spot, where they met up when they needed a shoulder to lean on …
Israa raised her head, short hair tousled around her tear-stained face. She said she’d cut it and dyed it black when her mother died, probably earning her first wave of disapproval; she’d added red streaks a month ago, at Matt’s behest. Kainon blinked, trying to focus. She hadn’t told him to go away, yet. Should he go to her? Did he want to?
Then she got up and ran towards him, stopping her super-speed dash an inch away and throwing her arms around him. “Oh, Kainon, I’ve been such a fool!” And she told him, hiccupping, exactly how.
Kainon kept stroking her back, careful not to touch her wings. “You can get a human job; that’s how they get their money. I’m sure you can still be with Matt, even if you stop taking the drug …”
Israa let out another sob. “How do you know? He might leave me! And I can’t do any human work, I don’t know how! Who would give me a job anyway, even if I could do it?”
“Hey!” Kainon pulled out of the hug to hold her at arms’ length. “Remember what Senchad said, about you forgetting how strong you are? You’re forgetting you’re worth a damn, too. Your human’s much better than mine, for a start. I’m sure we’ll find you something.”
Israa gave him a watery smile, and then her eyes widened. “What I said to you before … I didn’t-”
Kainon hushed her. “It’s alright.” And, abruptly, it was. The hard ball of betrayal inside him had dissolved under her tears.
Israa shook her head. “I’m sorry.” She cried one last time, more quietly. Kainon held her, waiting for her to get it out of her system, trying not to get overwrought himself in sympathy. When she finally sniffed and pulled away, wiping her eyes, he felt exhausted. But the bright smile she offered him, with a proud tilt to her chin again, made it worthwhile.
He cleared the lump from his throat. “I don’t blame you for any of this, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.” Israa put her head on one side. “But you don’t pity me, either.”
Which is why you’re my friend. It hung in the air between them, inquiring.
Kainon sighed. “That’s because I went through the exact same thing, when my mother died.” Israa raised her eyebrows, and he nodded. “You would have been quite young, I doubt you’d remember. The only reason no one heard about my … madness … was that my so-called father locked me up half the time.”
“That’s horrible!”
“Hardly. The worst thing was that he kept telling me it was for my own good. I knew he was doing it for himself, the selfish git, but he always said it was to protect my mother’s name …” Kainon shook his head, breathing around his anger until he could speak again. “That’s not what you tell a grieving ten-year-old. That every time he misbehaves, someone will say a bad word about his parents’ marriage, and it’ll be his fault.”
Israa gripped his arm, hard. “It’s not your fault.”
Kainon smiled gently. “I know.” He patted her hand. “It took me five years to realise that. Five years to shout back that it was her mistake, and all I’d done was be born.” He paused to roll his eyes. “With her wing pattern.”
“That doesn’t mean anything, lots of people inherit-”
“Yes, lots of people do. And lots of people don’t. It just makes it all the more convenient to believe, you see? Just like being weak, and unable to run. Is it because I didn’t eat properly after her death, and no one would show me how to run? Or because I’m a worthless half-blood who belongs with the humans?”
At that, Israa reached out and pulled his chin around to face her. “You are not worthless,” she said fiercely. “No more than I’m a lost cause. We’ll show them! I’ll get a job, and you’ll get one too … one where you have to use your muscles, see if that doesn’t strengthen them up! And I’ll teach you how to run.”
Kainon smiled again, taking her hand in his. “Then we won’t be afraid of anything.” And he almost believed it.